#7 The Belly Button Book by Sandra Boynton

I don’t know if you guys are aware, but we all have belly buttons. Some of them are guuud, and some of them are NOT so good. Personally, I will always remember cutting Colin’s umbilical cord being fully aware of the fact that I would be in full control of his status as an innie or outie (I was not aware of any of these things – I only cared about helping him look LESS like the alien from the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull).

ANYWAY…

The Belly Button book is about how we all have belly buttons. Except it’s not, because human’s don’t exist in this book, only hippopotamuses, but it’s OK because they have belly buttons and they represent humanity. Hippos love belly buttons, BTW, and they take them to the beach and sing songs about them. 

That is all.

Oh, one hippo calls his belly button a “Bee Bo”

And one more thing…hippos don’t get to see their belly buttons in the winter because it gets too cold (It does not get to cold where hippos live, which is in Africa) and they have to layer correctly in order to keep warm. WHAT A SAD, BLEAK RAGNORAKIAN EXISTENCE!

Listen, I’m not trying to hate, but really guys? 

Crude drawings of hippos + belly buttons = Successful Book?

No, David Copperfield. No, thank you.

Also, I’m not sure if Ms. Boynton is aware, but hippopotamuses are considered to be one of the most aggressive and dangerous animals in Africa.

 

They are killing each other; youre next.

They are killing each other; you're next.

 

I would like to ask the author why her discussion of hippo activities at the beach does not include ATTACKING HUMANS????

HE JUST ATE THAT.

My general distrust of hippos also comes from their involvement with Congo.

I know he’s dead, but Michael Crichton is the worst, guys.

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Published in: on December 31, 2008 at 3:56 am  Comments (2)  
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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Tyler,

    Has anyone told you that you sound like Stephen Cobert. He distrusts bears and you, hippos.

  2. Brian,

    I certainly have watched a lot of Mr. Colbert and his Peabody Award winning show, and certainly my comedic/writing style echoes all the things I find funny. I cannot escape them, so I must embrace them.

    All that being said…

    Brian,

    Hippos KILL more people in Africa than ANY OTHER animal. These are the facts, yet we view these killers as docile dolts which will only lead to our downfall in the coming Hippo Apocalypse.


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